The following laconic epistle may be seen in the window of a London cofeeshop: “Stolen from this window a china cup and saucer; the set being now incomplete, the thief may have the remainder at a bargain.” Brooklyn [NY] Eagle 11 April 1863: p. 4
Medical man. “Come, come, my dear madam, there is evidently something wrong; make a confidant of me.”
Blighted bride: “Well, doctor, it was always my great ambition (sob) to be the wife of a dry-goods (sob) merchant, and now I have thrown myself away upon a hardware (sob) dealer, and, although the dear fellow is as kind as he can be, (sob) and brings me home any quantity of scissors and files, and door-knobs and things, yet what are these to the (sob) wounded spirit that expected oceans of brocade and point lace?” (sob, sob, sob.)The Alleghenian [Ebensburg, PA] 9 August 1860: p. 1
Coffins on His Shaving-Cup
A young man in want of a shave recently went into a little barber-shop in Harlem, sat down in a chair, leaned back, and was about to shut his eyes to keep the lather out, when they fell upon an array of wonderfully decorated shaving-cups. On one was the picture of a hearse flanked by two upright coffins; on another was a dummy engine standing on a section of the elevated road, and others displayed pictures of a milk-wagon, a tombstone, a saw or a trowel. The barber explained that the hearse-and-coffin cup belonged to an undertaker with an eye to business, who had got enough custom from his novel advertisement to pay his shaving bill for the next ten years. An engineer on the elevated road owned the cup with the dummy engine on it. The other cups belonged to a milk-dealer, a stone-cutter, a carpenter, and a bricklayer. The barber said he had an order for a cup from a neighboring shoemaker which would eclipse all the other cups. It would contain a tiny photography of the shoemaker on a swinging sign bearing his name and the legend, “Repairing Neatly Done.” Cincinnati [OH] Enquirer 19 July 1885: p. 11.
What Bad Butter Color Can Do
Another case of fatal poisoning from swallowing “less than a teaspoonful” of a butter color supposed to contain some preparation of coal tar is recorded. The victim was a 2-year-old boy of Chippewa County, Wis., who was discovered in the act of tasting the contents of a bottle containing the color. It was taken away from him almost instantly, but the mother was not greatly alarmed (supposing that a material sold for use in butter could hardly be dangerous), and did not send for a physician until four hours later, when the child began to vomit. Collapse and coma followed, succeeded by an agonizing death in the afternoon of the next day. Am. Cheesemaker. Logansport [IN] Pharos 30 August 1898: p. 7
St. Louis, March 6. Claude Chappell has had two square inches of skin covered with tattoo marks removed from the back of each hand at a hospital here. Skin from another part of the body was grafted on the hands. Chappell is an accountant and has trouble in getting work because of the tattoo marks, which were pricked in while he was making the trip around the world in the battleship squadron. Boston [MA] Journal 7 March 1910: p. 4
A COOL AND REFRESHING SUMMER DRINK
From the receipt book of a Western member of Congress.
The following is said to make a pleasant beverage: Take one pint of whiskey, stir in one spoonful of whiskey; add one pint of whiskey and beat well with a spoon.
Take one gallon of water and let a servant carry it away beyond your reach; then put two spoonfuls of water in a tumbler, immediately throw it out and fill with whiskey. Flavor with whiskey to suit your taste.
When it is to be kept long in warm climates, add sufficient spirit to prevent souring. The Alleghenian [Ebensburg, PA] 9 August 1860: p. 1
Love may be blind, but no one has as yet discovered that its hearing is impaired. Girls who have given themselves up to the habit of warbling Pinafore airs should line their seal hats with this. Cincinnati [OH] Daily Gazette 2 January 1880: p. 4
A Few Errata.
A number of errors crept into the story on the first page of last week’s issue, writes A. W. Bellew, in The Yankee Blade, the printer being intoxicated and the editor being off, that is to say, off on a hunting expedition:
For “she fell into a river,” read “reverie.”
For “he wore red headed hair,” read “he was an hereditary heir.”
For “in front of the mansion he had the bull pup,” read “to pull up.”
For “darling, this is your nasal morn,” read “natal.”
For “I never was awfully hungry in my life,” read “angry.”
For “you say she ate me with a smile,” read “satiate.”
For “she did not for a moment cease her violent trombone,” read “trembling.”
For “he gently threw her played out shawl around her, “read “plaid.”
For “some said it was the spinage meningitis,” read “spinal”
For Herbert, I know you rascal,” etc., read “risk all.”
For “she saw his lip grip ale,” read “grow pale.”
For “is it possible! And me owe for board, with nothing to sustain me,” read “overboard”.
For “he threw both arms around her ancient maiden aunt,” etc.; period after “her.”
For “but my age must be renumbered,” read “remembered.”
For “her heart was filled with et ceteras,” read “ecstasies.”
For’ You are my last darling,” read “lost.”
For “I am thin, I am wholly thin,” read “thine.” Newark [OH] Daily Advocate 28 November 1888: p. 4
LATEST INVENTION FOR ROBBING.
The most impudent occurrence that we have ever yet heard of in the art of robbery is thus related in a Paris paper:—A lady went the other day into a shop in the Rue Richelieu to buy a cashmere shawl, and, having arranged the price, took from her purse a bank-note, and was in the act of handing it to the cashier’s counter, when a man, who had been observed watching her at the shop door, rushed in, struck the lady, and snatching the note from her hand, exclaimed, “I have already forbidden you to buy a shawl, but will watch you, and you shall not have one.” He then went out of the shop, and the lady fainted away. On her revival, the master of the shop began to condole with her on this scene of violence, and regretted she had so brutal a husband. “My husband!” cried the lady, “I never saw the man before.” It turned out that she had been robbed; pursuit was instantly made after the audacious rogue, but it was all in vain; he had got clear off. Ballou’s Dollar Monthly Magazine, Volume 13, 1861
THE latest thing in bon-bons are wink-drops, which appear innocent enough to the uninitiated, but are dainty little sugared receptacles for holding such stimulants as wine, brandy, or French liqueur. It is said that their consumption is growing to an alarming extent, fashionable women being the principal consumers. Godey’s Lady’s Book January 1896
Dog Trained to Steal
A woman was arrested in Paris for shoplifting not long ago, and it was noticed that she carried a bright looking King Charles spaniel on her arm. The police happened to examine the pup rather carefully, and were surprised to find that it was trained to help the woman at her trade. The dog was schooled to snatch a piece of lace in its mouth and then hide its head under the woman’s arm. Philadelphia [PA] Inquirer 22 October 1905: p. 3
Mrs Daffodil’s Aide-memoire: Mrs Daffodil fervently hopes that her readers have serviceable fans and cakes of ice to recline upon in this beastly summer heat. Over at the Haunted Ohio blog you will find a suggestion for telling when the weather is about to break by using the Leech Barometer, a handy prognosticating tool which one can make at home. The necessary blood-sucking creatures may be acquired by consulting one’s medical man or by standing bare-legged in a farm pond or lake.